Ravens and Writing Desks
by pisthelimit
Summary: Descriptive words… Paranoid' Then again, this word could have easily been used for all three of them. A modern day Alice stumbles into a very strange type of cafe.
1. Chapter 1

Hi there! :) It's me... again! I wrote this last night... But I'm uploading it now. Please tell me what you think!

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Alice stumbled into the coffeehouse. She was undeniably lost.

Her raincoat was dripping wet, and her yellow hair was pulled into a sloppy (and soaking wet) bun atop her head. She removed her coat and placed it on a hook by the door, and squeezed the excess water from her hair.

"Hello there?" Alice asked timidly. There was nobody at the front counter. She glanced into the kitchen area. The stove was crowded with whistling teapots. "Hello?" Alice called again, stepping behind the counter to peek her head into the kitchen. "Is anybody here?" No reply.

Alice sighed. Now what? This was the only illuminated shop on the street, and she was not at all in the mood for walking anymore. She looked around the countertop to see if there was a note talking about the whereabouts of the workers. Nothing.

Another teapot let out a shrill whistle. "This is getting a little spooky." Alice muttered under her breath.

"Wassat?" A voice called out from behind her. Alice jumped.

"Hello?" Alice peered around the wall, and noticed a large table. Venturing another few steps closer, she saw that it was not, in fact, a single table, but rather comprised of several tables of varying height and length. At every possible free spot around the table, a chair (as randomly chosen as the tables) was pulled up, and at every place that there was a chair at (as well as some places where there were no chairs at all) there was an elaborate combination of poorly matched teacups and saucers.

Three people were seated (or rather, sprawled) around the table. Alice stared at them. Nobody made a move. _'They are all completely wasted.' _Alice thought to herself. She pulled a chair out from the table and sat down.

"What choo doing?"

Alice jumped in her seat.

"I-I was j-just… I am just," Alice stuttered.

"Spit it out already!" The other figure said. The third figure still remained in a state of comatose.

"I'm lost." She finally managed to say.

"You look pretty found to me." The second figure said. Alice took a good look at him. _'Descriptive words… Paranoid.' _(Then again, this word could have easily been used for all three of them.) He was jittery; which could be attributed to the amount of caffeinated drinks he had already consumed. His eyes darted around the table. First at Alice, then at his own teacup, then Alice once more, and then… the other one.

"Still doesn't explain why you're 'ere." The first person said. Alice looked at him. His white blonde hair (which was at least 13 ½ shades lighter than her own) stuck out around his head in varying angles. It formed a crooked halo of sorts. His eyes had deep circles under them. 'Seems like an insomniac to me.' And then, for that accent…

"Didn't choo 'ear me? You didn't answer me question."

"I need directions?" Alice said, phrasing it less like a statement, and more as a question.

The blonde shook his head no. "You could 'ave gone down the street for that."

Alice snorted in wild disbelief. Was he honestly asking this? He couldn't just cough up the directions so that she could leave?

"Since you're a pretty little thing, I'll give you go at it, shall I? Why are you 'ere?" His words were reminiscent of a carnival vendor. _'Step right up! Step right up! The greatest show on earth! See the man with the hair which defies gravity!'_

"I…I like tea?" Alice ventured. She traced her finger around the empty rim of her mug, and looked into the blonde mans eyes. (They were emerald green.)

"THASSIT!" He cried. He jumped up from his seat, and clapped his hands together. He grabbed a teapot from the center of the makeshift banquet table and emptied its contents into Alice's mug. It only reached halfway. He grabbed another teapot and did the same. The tea was nearly overflowed from the cup, and spilled into the saucer.

The blonde-haired-emerald-green-eyes man chortled, and grabbed away Alice's mug and saucer. He removed the excess tea that was on the saucer by shaking it madly. Half of the tea soaked into the carpet, and the other half hit the table. He replaced the two before Alice, and gave her a grin. "We wouldn't want you to get burned, my lovely."

He pulled out the chair next to Alice and flopped into it. (He had no intention of returning to his previous seat.) He poured himself a cup of tea. Unlike the entire affair with Alice's tea, he poured exactly the right amount. He placed two sugar-cubes into the cup, and stirred.

"Let the tea-party begin!"

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Well, thats it... for now. I've got an idea on how I want it to end, but I dont have any idea how I want the middle to be.

I dont know how many chapters I want to have in it. Please voice oppinions! (I'm thinking three for right now.)


	2. Chapter 2

Alice sipped gingerly from the cup placed before her. It wasn't bad, she reasoned, and took another sip. Never mind. It wasn't bad. It was awful. Note to Self: Green tea, black tea, three spoonfuls of sugar, and a large amount of questionable milk added and mixed does not make delicious drink.

"You're wet." The blonde one said. The statement hung in the air.

Nothing happened for a moment. Several more moments passed, all of which contained the same as the first; that is to say, they all contained nothing.

"Yes. I am." Alice said, and peered into her cup. This was really getting her nowhere.

"Would you like more sugar?" The third person finally spoke. His voice startled Alice, much in the way that the voice of a stranger always startles you. It was high pitched, and airy.

"Thank you for the offer, but, I'm- I'm quite alright." Alice stuttered. She had been doing this a lot lately.

"Tea?" The second person pushed the third onto the floor, where he remained sprawled. He batted his eyes a little bit, which made Alice squirm very uncomfortably.

"She doesn't want any!" The blonde one exclaimed, and pushed the second one onto the floor to accompany the third. He proceeded to grab a fresh saucer and cup, pour tea from an elaborate tea-vessel of sorts, and placed it before Alice. He promptly grabbed the old cup from Alice's hand, and splashed its contents upon his two companions.

"You're mad! You're all mad!" Alice said, and rose from her chair.

"Not mad, never mad! Maddox Louis Hatcher. And yourself, poppet?" He extended hand toward her, and Alice took it uncertainly.

"Alice." She responded, as he shook her arm.

"Jus' Alice?"

"Just Alice."

"Well, Jus' Alice, I'd like to fully apologize for the ungentlemanly behavior of those two arses."

"Apology accepted!" Cried the shrill voice of the third one.

Alice didn't know if she should laugh or not. She chose to add six more sugar cubes to her tea, sit down, and appreciate her present company.


	3. Chapter 3

The wind pelted rain against the picture window of the shop, and it sounded much like wind personified pelting smallish rocks at the same window. It showed no sign of stopping.

Alice untied the black ribbon in her hair, and let the damp blonde curls rest upon her shoulders. Maddox, also known as Mad, ran his left hand through his own hair. The white-blond mess stood at even more impossible angles. Alice decided to let it be, rather than question the authority of his gravity defiant hair.

The second one grumbled. "It's all this stupid rain. March rain, that's fine! But March rain only prepares us for April rain! And April rain only brings more May rain!" He slammed his teacup against the saucer violently, and sat in indignation.

"You do know that the saying is that 'April showers bring May flowers', not 'April rain brings May rain.' Right?" Alice questioned.

"Of course I know that. I just wish that all of this wonderful March weather would hurry up and progress to the awfulness that is April." He stated this matter-of-factly.

"And you do know that it is already May, correct?" Alice ventured once more.

"Then May flowers are going to be popping up?" The second one muttered, more to himself then to anyone else.

"That's the idea, yes." Alice said.

"Then all of those stupid pilgrims are going to be appearing left and right!?" Alice chose to not answer him, so he sat once more in silent anger, and sipped resentfully from his daisy patterned teacup.

Mad peered at Alice over the rim of his white teacup. His viridian eyes shown with something unexplainable, and so, Alice chose not to try and explain their shine. Instead, she gazed into his eyes, and stared for quite some time, before realizing that she was now in a staring contest with him. Alice blinked several times, and looked away. Mad smiled slightly, and then threw his empty teacup into an increasingly tall pile of unwashed dishes. Alice smiled as well, and took one last look at his eyes. She thought she caught a faint blue color, but it turned out to only be the reflection of her own eyes.

Alice downed the last dregs of her tea, and realized with satisfaction that it hadn't been completely awful. She neatly placed the cup on the saucer, and then picked the pair up and threw them on the pile. The Third One, as this had become his name, gave her a thumbs-up of approval, before slipping back into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain thudded against the window again, rhythmically, as if the personified wind was now beating the rain against the window with a rhythm.

A tallish clock, which would have appeared rather out of place in most other places, such as a dentist's office, was quite at home in its current surroundings. The clock suddenly began chiming rather rapidly and eclectically, and because Alice couldn't distinguish between one long chime and seven short ones, she became quite confused. She relied on the face of the clock to tell her the time, and when she saw it, she jumped from her seat.

"Is it really that late?" Alice exclaimed worriedly.

"Course not, love." Mad responded. Alice sighed with relief. "It's later."

"What?" Alice almost shouted.

"Clock is almost two and a 'alf hours slow." Mad looked at Alice quite calmly, eagerly waiting for her response.

"Two- Two and a half?" Alice sputtered. She was late. She jumped from her seat.

"Issat a problem?" Mad said innocently. The Second One and The Third One nodded in concerned agreement.

Alice sighed. "No problem at all, besides the wrath of an angry mother and her card friends." Alice slid back into her seat. "She'll have my head for this!" She told herself, and drank a sip from the newly filled teacup before her.

The drink tasted awful. Mad took a drink of his own tea, and placed the cup back on the saucer. Alice quickly swapped her own cup for Mad's, and took a sip. Much better.

More time passed. The rain pounded against the window, like the metaphorical wind was punching the window with a metaphorical boxing glove.

Alice looked at the clock once more. It had rung several more times since the last jumbled mess, and the multifarious chiming began to sound harmonious. Once more she stood up, but this time not in panic. She yawned a little bit, and retrieved her coat from the hook. She slipped it on, and returned to the table for her bag, and for goodbyes.

"Well, this was certainly an interesting experience." Alice told the three of them, although she wasn't entirely sure if any of them were listening, or even awake.

"I should really like to see how you keep the pilgrims away, The Second One." He might have grumbled a response, but Alice as somewhat certain that all she had heard was a muffled snore.

"I shall miss you as well, The Third One." His high pitched voice barely sounded, but an inaudible response was grumbled.

She turned to say her goodbye to Mad, but found that he wasn't occupying the armchair at the head of the table. "Mad?" Alice called out gently, and peered under the table. He wasn't there, she concluded, although several stray scones were.

"What are you doing?" his voice called, and Alice jumped. He stood by the door, umbrella in hand.

"What are you doing?" She responded automatically, sounding highly childish.

"I'm walking you home, now aren't I?" He beckoned her to the door with a nod of his head, and opened the door. "Well, 'urry up. Don't want me to leave you behind, now do you?" He called with his back to Alice.

Alice smiled and caught up to Mad. Her life had just gotten a lot curiouser.

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AN: The end! Thanks for reading it! :)I had a lot of fun playing with the characters.

Alice is a fairly normal girl. But, like all normal people, she just has to be put with an abnormal crowd in order to start acting a little goofy.

Maddox Louis Hatcher, sort of a funny name, isn't it? I wanted something that would be able to be shortened into Mad, hence Maddox. Louis was sort of a shout-out to Lewis Carrol, and Hatcher (Hat-cher) was the first last name that I thought of. Mad Hat. Sort of cute (or at least I thought so).

The Second One is the March Hare, and The Third One is the Dormouse. I imagined that the dormouse would be a lazy lump of a boy, and that the March Hare would be an opinionated fellow (but not motivated enough to ever do anything about it).

Alice's mother (who is mentioned for the whole of one line) was how I put the Queen of Hearts into this story. Not much to say about her, just that she still has her temper. (but maybe not as extreme as in wonderland.)

And I guess that's all! Thanks again for reading it!


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